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Depression: The Confessions Of A Survivor

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A few days ago before I fell sick I saw different thoughts, rants and blames on social media on the girl that committed suicide because of depression precipitated by her family, most especially her mother. While the super-religious and holy saints all said she will rot in hell without putting themselves in her shoe, the rest questioned why she kept it to herself and never spoke out.

But who cares though?

There are three (3)yardsticks the world uses to measure your significance in this life. It is either you are :

1-  Rich

 2- Popular

 3-  Dead

So forget it, the world does not care about you if you do not fall in those aforementioned categories.

Whether you like it or not depression is real. It is a tough battle anyone can fight and that means if you are not careful of the thoughts that come to your head, who and what you listen to, or how you manage the situation, it can eventually lead you to take your own life.

The truth is there is constant and persistent pressure on young people, myself included from family members especially your immediate family. The truth is they want you to make it quick to compensate their years of struggles or to cover the expenses they made sending you to school. But the reality on the ground, especially in Nigeria tells different tales. When you want to chase your dream against their own expectations, that one is even a World War 3.

how depression starts

Months after service I went through depression, came out of it successfully through personal effort, not religious effort. It took me a lot of reading, meditations and keeping mute and not talking to any of them.

It was as a result of family expectations. My case was somehow similar to that girl that killed herself. Now you know why it is a herculean task to come out of depression, especially acute depression.

Young people need to know when to walk away from family members who put pressure on them, at least for your own good. Those pressures that you see as little can lead you to depression and make you do what you never bargained for. Any family member that puts pressure on you and you see that as a threat to your health please walk away from them.

I encourage you to cut ties with them in this new year. It could be your blood relations or even your parents, for a while, delete their numbers, block them on social media, stay away from them until you can gain control of yourself mentally and physically.

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Why did I say this? 

I had collapsed in a bank that day I was admitted to the hospital. Only to get a call from someone I called my own brother and all he said were blames and gibberish. Those thoughts made my heartbeat as if I was on high blood pressure. One would have expected him to show an act of concern, at least for that present moment. I found out that all he ever wanted was to control the direction of my life of which I rebelled against that, I am the master of my own destiny and I control the wheels of my life. 

I am gifted with signs of things that will happen to me. I had been noticing this behavior. But maybe that is what happens when a man wants to start his own family, he starts counting the mistakes of his siblings. I eventually got to know that he is about starting his own family. More of the reason for the blame game.

So he eventually spoke his mind fully yesterday saying all sorts of things about me. Maybe because he has been rendering assistance to me and to him I feel like a burden. He thought he knew me, but the only person (Joyhes Osiebe) I shared my life struggles, pains and gains with died in an accident two years ago, not even my mother knew anything about me. Yes, I keep those issues private.

I had gone through depression and came out of it successfully, this is a new year and I am not going to allow anybody especially family members drive me back to depression. So this morning I sent him a text asking him not to render anymore assistance to me and face his expectant family while I face my life.

I also thanked him for the past help he rendered to me. I have also placed some family members on the watch list. I know they are reading this, but I am always blunt, they know me for that by now.

The 4 stages of depression in life:

-The survival stage

-The security stage

-The success stage

-The significance stage

-The survival stage: This is when you are struggling to make headway, find your bearing in life.

-The security stage: This is the stage where you are paying the bills, you have a roof over your head and you are taking care of your family.

– The success stage: This is the period where you just don’t have everything you need but you have everything you want.

-The significance stage: This is the stage where you start living for the people, it is no longer about what you want, it is now about what impact you make on the people that surround you, the legacies you want to leave behind. Money, fame, popularity no longer matters to you but the people.

I was at the first stage last year, but this new year I am moving to the second stage and eventually the third stage.

Let me tell you how to battle depression without necessarily going to those god of Men called (pastors.) If you are a true believer, find a place, it is called a “Secret Place.” A secret place is a place where you are alone in conversation with your creator, whatever you conceive him to be. Cry out your pains to him, challenge him by stating what you will give him in return if he answers your supplications.

a depressed man

If you are not a believer or you an atheist or a freethinker, find a lonely place, commit yourself deep in meditations, find one thing that makes you happy, that one person that you can live your life for. Think of the worst that can happen, if it is not death, then choose to stay alive. Because despite all the troubles, pains, frustrations, It is still a beautiful world.

To end this, you need to know when to move before life moves you by itself. This new year, control your own happiness, health, and well-being. Stay away from unnecessary pressures that can lead you to depression or suicide. Stay happy, set goals, crush them, set even higher goals, seek to attain them. In all learn to love, because what can we achieve without love?

Be at peace with everybody but not at your own expense.  What do you think about this piece? What are the lessons you can point to from the conversation so far? I would love to hear from you, kindly comment, like and share.

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Adetayo Omotoyosi Adeolu is a content specialist, writer, journalist, and philosopher. Adetayo Omotoyosi Adeolu helps individuals and brands become visible using content and visual promotion. AOA helps individuals and brands become visible using content and visual promotion. This process involves creating sellable content that pushes your brand to the world. It also includes social media management and digital promotion. He is currently a Post-Graduate student at the Nigerian Institute of Journalism where he is studying Print-Journalism in Lagos.

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